I’d like a pizza topped with cheese
Then sprinkled with some gnats and fleas,
Some centipedes and slimy slugs,
And other creepy, crawly bugs.
I want to add some fingernails
And oyster ooze and crunchy snails
And chicken bones and spoiled meat
And smelly socks from dirty feet.
I want it topped with lots of mold
And gooey boogers (not too old),
A lot of snot, a little spit,
And guts with grimy, grainy, grit.
I want the most disgusting crust
With spider webs and day-old dust
And dirt and mud and blood and gore
Delivered to my sister’s door.
— Neal Levin
Copyright © 2006. All Rights Reserved. From Dinner with Dracula: A Spine-Tingling Collection of Frighteningly Funny Poems. Meadowbrook Press. Reprinted by permission of the author.