My Dog Has Got No Manners
My dog has got no manners.
I think he’s very rude.
He always whines at dinnertime
while we are eating food.
And when he’s feeling thirsty
and wants to take a drink,
he takes it from the toilet
instead of from the sink.
He never wears a pair of pants.
He doesn’t wear a shirt.
But worse, he will not shower
to wash away the dirt.
He’s not polite to strangers.
He bites them on the rear.
And when I’m on the telephone,
he barks so I can’t hear.
When I complained to Mommy,
she said, “I thought you knew:
the reason that his manners stink-
he learns by watching you.”
— Bruce Lansky
Copyright © 2000. All Rights Reserved. From If Pigs Could Fly: and Other Deep Thoughts. Running Press. Reprinted by permission of the author.
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From If Pigs Could Fly: and Other Deep Thoughts
If Pigs Could Fly… and Other Deep Thoughts is a collection of Bruce Lansky’s own hilarious poems about everything kids are concerned with, including: smelly diapers, chubby relatives, toothless grandmas, dirty socks, impolite dogs, burping babies, bad hair days and more. The poems in this book have been tested on over 1,000 schoolchildren and their teachers so that only the most giggle-packed poems are included.