by Harry Laing

Nastychef by Harry Laing

The best-paid job I ever had
was making food that tasted bad.

My steaks were shoes, I served them rare
fried in engine oil and hair.

I blended dead horse with my dips
and garnished them with gravel chips.

I found a special orange mould
that grew on cheese a few years old.

Yum! It tasted like a dream
sprinkled on bird-poo ice-cream.

You guys are lucky – who’s turned green?
I’m cooking in your school canteen!

  — Harry Laing

Copyright © 2015. All Rights Reserved. From Shoctopus: Poems to Grip You!. Bunda Press. Reprinted by permission of the author.

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From Shoctopus: Poems to Grip You!

A fresh, funny and catchy collection of poems with illustrations for 6-12 yr olds. Shape-poems, verb-poems, chants, songs, rhymes, rap, they’re all jumping off the page. ‘A wonderful, eclectic collection of verse, this book offers a great introduction to the possibilities of language and the notion that poetry can indeed be fun.’ From the review in Reading Time where Shoctopus is Highly Recommended.

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About the Author

Harry Laing is a poet, children’s author and comic performer. Shoctopus: Poems to Grip You! came out in 2015. MoonFish, a poetry picture book featuring art by some of Australia’s best known illustrators came out in 2019. He lives beside the beautiful Monga National Park in NSW, Australia. His favourite subjects are cheese, wombats, angry old ladies and strange pets. You can find him performing his poems on YouTube. His website is

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