The Score Is Tied, My Knees Are Weak
The score is tied, my knees are weak,
and time is running out.
The referee needs glasses,
and our winning streak’s in doubt.
I’ve bitten off my fingernails.
My stomach is in knots.
I think I am about to faint.
and now I’m seeing spots.
My heart is racing swiftly.
My legs are getting tight.
My palms are moist and clammy.
My knuckles just turned white.
I’m sweating so profusely,
I’m giving off a stench.
And I’m not even in the game –
I’m sitting on the bench.
— Paul Orshoski
Copyright © 2008. All Rights Reserved. From I Hope I Don't Strike Out: and Other Funny Sports Poems. Running Press. Reprinted by permission of the author.
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From I Hope I Don't Strike Out: and Other Funny Sports Poems
I Hope I Don’t Strike Out is the first major anthology of funny poems about sports. It was designed to motivate sports-loving boys and girls to read by focusing on the funny side of sports. It covers all major sports in which kids participate, including baseball, football, basketball, soccer, swimming, skiing, running, karate, golf, volleyball, and dodgeball. Kids will love poems that serve up the “inside scoop” on how catchers make batters take their eyes off the ball, how nervous batters hit fastballs they can’t even see, blood-curdling cheers that cause opponents to run home to their mommies, what to expect your first day at karate school, what not to pack for a ski trip, and how to score the winning goal in a kindergarten soccer game. In all, 22 of the funniest sports poems ever published are sure to have kids laughing while they sit on the bench, waiting for a starter to foul out.