Dear Mother
I’ve been kidnapped by zombies,
they’re picking my brain.
They’ve handcuffed my wrist
to a fast moving train.
They’ve nibbled my fingers,
gnawed off all my toes,
Stuffed bugs in my mouth
and worms up my nose.
They’ve shackled my ankles,
blindfolded my eyes
and managed to spin my head
counterclockwise.
They want a huge ransom,
I think fifty grand.
They won’t accept credit,
just cold cash in hand.
I’ll phone when I’m able,
when things aren’t so wild.
Sincerely and truly,
Your precious young child
By the way…
Nothing I’ve said up to now
is quite true.
I’m at a friend’s house
for an hour or two.
I wrote to remind you
that things could be worse,
than the scores on my grade card
I stuck in your purse.
— Paul Orshoski
Copyright © 2017. All Rights Reserved. From I Thought I Saw a Ghost Last Night: and Other Laugh-Out-Loud Poems for Kids. Reprinted by permission of the author.
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From I Thought I Saw a Ghost Last Night: and Other Laugh-Out-Loud Poems for Kids
This short collection of laugh-out-loud children’s poetry will humor kids of all ages. Included are funny poems about school, sports, ghosts, and Bigfoot. Each rhyme is designed to tickle the funny bone in all of us.
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About the Author
Paul Orshoski is a former schoolteacher, coach and principal from Sandusky, Ohio. He writes witty, humorous, rhyming children’s books and poems. Paul is the author of thirteen children’s books published by Treasure Bay, Inc. of Novato, California. Treasure Bay is a leading publisher of educational children’s books designed to enhance parent involvement in reading.
His books, part of Treasure Bay’s We Read Phonics series, include Where is My Frog?, Bugs on the Bus, Ant in Her Pants, I Do Not Like Greens!, Robot Man, Talent Night, Sports Dream, Dad Does It All, and Who Took the Cookbook?. The We Read Phonics books are designed to make it easy for parents to help their children improve phonics skills and read a decodable story. Each book combines a fun story with simple games for phonics and sight words. Three of his We Read Phonics books—Where is My Frog?, Robot Man, and Sports Dream—were selected as Mom’s Choice Awards Gold Honor winners in 2011. Treasure Bay also publishes a We Both Read series. Paul has four books published in that series entitled, My Sitter is a T-Rex!, The Mouse in My House, The Mouse in My House / Un raton en mi casa, and The Ant and The Pancake.
Paul is also the author of several poems that appear in poetry anthologies published by Meadowbrook Press, Scholastic, Inc., and Little, Brown Books for Young Readers. These include: My Teacher’s in Detention, Dinner with Dracula, I’ve Been Burping in the Classroom, I Hope I Don’t Strike Out, What I Did on my Summer Vacation, and One Minute till Bedtime. Paul’s poems have also appeared in the following magazines: Boys’ Quest, Fun for Kidz, Hopscotch for Girls, Scholastic Action, and The School Administrator. Paul enjoys making kids giggle during school visits by enthusiastically performing his poems and books in small or large group settings wherever he is asked to present.
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