Breakfast in Bed
This morning I made my mom breakfast in bed.
I tried to be careful, but burnt all the bread.
I tried to make sure that the coffee was hot,
by boiling the bit left in yesterday’s pot.
I charred a few pancakes, potatoes, and grits.
The sausage, I seared into smoldering bits.
I made her some muffins like miniature coals,
and roasted a package of cinnamon rolls.
I scorched several servings of hamburger hash,
and microwaved bacon until it was ash.
I blackened a bagel, which started to smoke.
The smoke alarm sounded. My mother awoke.
I think she was panicked. She looked up in dread.
I proudly presented her breakfast in bed.
She grimaced, then silently counted to ten,
and asked me to never make breakfast again.
— Kenn Nesbitt
Copyright © 2012. All Rights Reserved. From The Armpit of Doom: Funny Poems for Kids. Purple Room Publishing. Reprinted by permission of the author.
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From The Armpit of Doom: Funny Poems for Kids
Kids love Kenn Nesbitt’s hilarious poetry! With their rollicking rhythms, playful rhymes, and mischievous twists, kids can’t stop reading these poems.
The Armpit of Doom includes seventy new poems about crazy characters, funny families, peculiar pets, comical creatures, and much, much more.
Reviews
Irrepressible, unpredictable, and raucously popular children’s poet Kenn Nesbitt was spawned in the same cracked petri dish as Jack Prelutsky, to whom he is the natural heir. A title guaranteed to generate “No, wait, read this one!” responses, The Armpit of Doom is more mayhem from one of the masters.
(J. Patrick Lewis, US Children’s Poet Laureate, author of Please Bury Me in the Library)
Kenn Nesbitt wrote a book of poems
A funny one I think.
And though it’s colored black and white
Watch it tickle you PINK!
(Douglas Florian, author and illustrator of Comets, Stars, the Moon, and Mars: Space Poems and Paintings)
Kenn Nesbitt’s brain is the clown car of children’s poetry. I don’t know how they all fit in there, but they keep tumbling out, one after another, each one funnier than the one before it.
(Eric Ode, poet and songwriter. Author of When You’re a Pirate Dog and Other Pirate Poems)
I liked Armpit (the book) a lot. Armpits aren’t my favorite body part.
(Bruce Lansky, author of If Pigs Could Fly… And Other Deep Thoughts and My Dog Ate My Homework)
Despite the many warnings (“Please Don’t Read This Poem!”) kids cannot escape the odorous allure of Nesbitt’s THE ARMPIT OF DOOM! No problem. They won’t want to! Instead they will find “There’s only one solution. Here’s what you’ll have to do: Tell all your friends and family they shouldn’t read it too!”
(Charles Ghigna, AKA “Father Goose,” author of Score! 50 Poems to Motivate and Inspire)
What makes this collection most special are the contemporary details sprinkled throughout (the iPod, XBox, and Kindle, Red Bull, J.K. Rowling, scrunchies, computer woes). Kids will really love the clever nonsense in poems like “On the Thirty-Third of Januaugust” and “It’s Fun to Leave the Spaces Out.” Teachers, beware: theirsentencesmightlooklikethisforafewdaysafterreadingthisbook!”
(Janet Wong, author of You Have to Write)
Fans of Kenn Nesbitt will gobble up this new offering, which combines his infallible command of rhyme scheme with the hilarious–yet oddly contemplative–wisdom of a child pondering the world.
(Joyce Sidman, author of Swirl by Swirl: Spirals in Nature)
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About the Author
Former Children’s Poet Laureate (2013-15) Kenn Nesbitt is the author of many books for kids, including Kiss, Kiss Good Night, My Hippo Has the Hiccups, My Cat Knows Karate, and many others. His poems have appeared in numerous bestselling anthologies, including every book in the popular Kids Pick the Funniest Poems series, and anthologies with nearly two million copies in print. His work has been published in hundreds of school textbooks around the world, as well as national television programs, and numerous children’s magazines. Kenn travels the world, visiting more than 60 schools each year, sharing his wacky brand of poetry with kids everywhere, and helping to create a new generation of poetry lovers. His website, poetry4kids.com, is the most visited children’s poetry website on the Internet.
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