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Toenails

by Becci Murray
4.2
(20)

Toenails by Becci Murray

You should see my brother’s toenails.
Our mum says they’re uncouth.
She says his left foot’s grown so hard
It looks more like a hoof.

My brother says his toenails
Are a proper bleedin’ triumph.
Our mum says he should cut them off
And donate them to science.

My brother, he was sleeping
When our mum took off his slippers.
She said, “That’s it! I’ve had enough!”
Then went to fetch the clippers.

The clippers broke. She grabbed the tools.
She started with the saw.
She cried, “Oh, happy, happy day!”
As each nail dropped to floor.

My brother slowly rubbed his eyes
And gave a tired grizzle.
He woke to find our mother stood there
Brandishing a chisel.

She said, “That’s just for starters, son.”
Her face was fierce as thunder,
And eyeing up his waxy ears
She went to fetch the plunger.

  — Becci Murray

Copyright © 2020. All Rights Reserved. From Don't Wear Your Knickers on Your Head: And Other Very Serious Poems about Really Important Stuff. Llama House Books. Reprinted by permission of the author.

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From Don't Wear Your Knickers on Your Head: And Other Very Serious Poems about Really Important Stuff

You’ll find lots of very serious poems about really important stuff (like toenails, sausages and yaks) in this hilariously irreverent collection of illustrated poetry from children’s author Becci Murray. Don’t Wear Your Knickers on Your Head is the new rib-tickling read for ages 6 – 10 years.

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About the Author

Becci Murray is a British author from Gloucestershire. She used to run a children’s entertainment company, where she earnt a living playing musical bumps and doing the Hokey Cokey (true story). Her favourite books are by Roald Dahl and she has a life-size BFG sticker on her bedroom wall (well, almost life-size). Becci is the author of the StoryQuest series and her first poetry book was entitled, ‘Don’t Wear Your Knickers on Your Head (and Other Very Serious Poems About Really Important Stuff).’

You can learn more about Becci or send her a message by visiting the Llama House Children’s Books website – she would love to hear from you!

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